


Be the Other Knight

by corybanticGloom (lalune_et_lesetoiles)



Series: have the time of your life. [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Self Harm, Sorry Not Sorry, and karkat feeling awful, it's a lot of angst, self harm tw, so there's no davekat action here, they're actually separated, trying to find eachother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-10
Updated: 2015-04-11
Packaged: 2018-03-22 04:34:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3715189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lalune_et_lesetoiles/pseuds/corybanticGloom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Where the kids beat the game in the Alpha session, but Skaia separates the humans and the trolls, and Karkat isn't handling it well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Be the Other Knight

**Author's Note:**

> Part two of this series! Yay! It is MUCH shorter (like, much). Mostly because there's no actual current davekat, it's just Karkat being miserable trying to find Dave. I'll get through it pretty quick. Stay tuned for installment THREE of this series to SEE IF THEY EVER FIND EACH OTHER.

It’s getting cold, colder than you remembered Alternia being in the dark seasons that last for sweeps and sweeps. You’re standing at the edge of one of the many balconies overlooking the city- if you can call it a city. Even in this dark you can tell it’s just a bunch of shoddily constructed hive towers with a mass of carapace and troll mingling in the winding streets below. This isn’t anything like the Alternia you remember. You’re having a hard time believing it’s any version of Alternia at all. Your universe got destroyed. Slick told you himself, before scampering off into the underbelly of your new society. 

“Are You Looking Into The Clouds Again, Karkat?” Kanaya’s voice echoes from the door behind you. Her heels click against the stone as she comes up to rest a hand on your shoulder, her gaze fixed on the clouds of Prospit that now hover ominously above your planet. Even in the dark, you can make out vague images of your past, of the game, of the final battle. The clouds have changed. They don’t show your future anymore, they don’t shine so bright. Instead, they serve as an ever-looming reminder of your failure, to make sure you all truly comprehend that you will never escape this motherfucking game. 

“NO, KANAYA. FUCK THE CLOUDS. I’M TRYING TO PAY ATTENTION TO ALL THESE CITIZENS THAT I’M SUDDENLY FUCKING RESPONSIBLE FOR.” You hang your head, pointedly avoiding the sky. 

“They Saw Your Leadership In The Clouds. All Their Lives, They Have Revered Your Accomplishments. It’s Not Surprising For Them To Elect You Leader Upon Our Sudden Arrival To This Planet.” Her hand is still on your shoulder, always reassuring. She’s about the only constant you’ve got on this new world, and you’re grateful, really. But you’ve heard this speech a thousand times. Crazy alternate universe shenanigans where your entire lives have been painted in the sky, which got created when you beat the game but also always just existed. The trolls here saw your whole quest in this fucked up version of Prospit’s clouds, think of you as gods now. Blah fucking blah, it’s all just more Skaia bullshit that you’re all trapped inside. 

Bottom line is, you didn’t break the game. You were never going to break the game. All you did was find a way to team up with some alien creeps to beat a failed session. 

“IF IT WERE WORTH OUR FUCKING RESOURCES, I’D HAVE THE WHOLE PLANET LOOKING FOR A WAY TO COVER UP THE FUCKING SKY.” Really, you would. They never play anything new. It’s just snapshots of your sgrub session, of the sburb sessions, over and over. You spent the first six months you got here doing nothing but looking at the damn sky, trying to figure out where the hell you all went wrong. Not that it matters anymore. 

“What Did You Think About The Meeting Today? I Know You Had Some Concerns About Vriska Going Into It.” She takes her hand off you, finally, places them on the banister in front of her. You’re shoulder to shoulder, her looking up into Skaia, you down at the people below. 

“OF COURSE I WAS CONCERNED ABOUT VRISKA. MAYBE SHE WAS VITAL TO US NOT DYING A FEW YEARS AGO, BUT SHE’S STILL BATSHIT OUT OF HER MIND. ANY TIME SHE COMES BACK FROM THAT GOD AWFUL SHIP WITH TALES OF SOME FABLED TECHNOLOGY I CONVINCE MYSELF IT’S A DOOMSDAY DEVICE” You leave out the part about how you’re terrified she’ll try kill you, take your position. 

“I Think We’ve All Grown A Bit Tired of Doomsday Devices, Karkat. It’s Not As If You Weren’t Fascinated By The Notion Of Universal Destruction Once.” She’s trying to be snarky, but something’s caught her eye in the clouds and it’s making her voice shake. 

You look up- stupid, stupid Karkat, never fucking look up at that shit- just in time to see red and orange godtier humans holding hands, staring down the Green Sun. Shit. 

“Do You Think We’ll Ever See Them Again?” Shit. This isn’t the first time she’s asked this. 

“WE DON’T EVEN KNOW IF THEY’RE ALIVE, KANAYA.” And you don’t know what’s worse, dead and gone, or alive and missing. 

“I Know I Keep Bothering You About This Karkat, But, Your Godtier Powers, You Still Haven’t Tried To Use Them, Have You?” You loathe this question. Coming from Kanaya, though, you can’t respond like a complete tool. 

“IT’LL JUST SHOW ME HIM, KANAYA. AND IF HE’S FUCKING DEAD, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FACE THAT?” It was disgusting of Skaia to bless you with godtier for “beating” the game, only to give you the ability to see glimpses of the people you loved without offering you any concrete way of contacting them. Sure, the flying has been fun, but in two years you haven’t gathered the courage to use the majority of your blood powers. 

“So You’re Still Using The Sopor Slime To Ensure Visions Don’t Intrude Your Dreams?” She asks as if she’s your goddamn lusus. 

“SPARE ME THE LECTURE ON DRUGS. DON’T YOU HAVE ENOUGH GRUBS IN YOUR SCHOOL TO MENTOR? I MEAN CHRIST KANAYA, IF ANYONE KNOWS THE DANGERS OF FUCKING OVERINDULGING IN SOPOR SLIME, I PROMISE IT’S ME.” You hope this throws her off track. 

You’ve been evading the guilt of not using your blood powers to attempt to locate the humans for years. She’s miserable without Rose, even still. Just like you and Dave. Thing is, last time she saw her girlfriend the human was fine. Last time you saw Dave, the heroic prick had a sword stabbed through him. You can’t handle the aftermath of that. 

Not to say you haven’t been looking for them. Kanaya’s been scanning the stars, searching the galaxies, since the moment your team got here. Sollux was a bit more of a nook stain about helping out, but spends a good deal of his time on the internet attempting to create some sort of interface that can contact them. So far, radio silence. Basically, you’re Kanaya’s last hope of ever finding Rose, and you’re ruining it by being too big of a fucking baby to cope with the possibility of seeing Dave’s corpse. 

Yeah, you’re fucking done with this conversation. 

“You’ll Never Forgive Yourself If You Don’t Try.” 

No, you won’t. But…

“I WON’T FORGIVE MYSELF FOR MOST OF THE SHIT I’VE DONE THAT GOT US INTO THIS GRUB SUCKING MESS IN THE FIRST PLACE. WHY STOP FUCKING UP NOW, RIGHT?” 

You skulk back to you respite block, by some miracle avoiding the hundred other inane trolls that follow you around. Fuck six sweep old Karkat for deciding that being leader was a good fucking idea. Fuck him so hard. 

Sometimes, you wonder if half of your self hatred comes from your blood powers, just letting current Karkat actually send physical hate to past and future Karkat. You wouldn’t be surprised. 

There’s some completely moronic note stuffed haphazardly under your door, and by the looks of the handwriting its Nepeta’s doing. Oh, good god, is it written in blood? What the fuck is wrong with this chick? 

"Karkat,

Mew know you’re a busy guy meow, but the two year meow-nniversary of us b33ting the game is coming up in a few months! We all though it would be purr-fect if you had time fur us to come visit! 

**curls up on your lap and falls asleep** "

It’s not just Nepeta who’s signed this annoying piece of garbage, but half of your incompetent friends. Equius, Terezi, Feferi- all the ones who live too far away to bother you about this in person. God fucking damn it, this is terrible timing. You’ve already been thinking about sgrub too much. Every time you see these friends- the friends that should be dead- you fucking curse Skaia for bringing you the wrong reward. 

You’d have taken staying with Dave over the revival of your dead comrades. 

Or at least that’s what you tell yourself, now. 

You’re a fucking terrible person. Fuck you, Karkat. 

There’s a huge crash upstairs, followed by several haphazard honks. Usually this kind of shit pisses you off, but having to go deal with this motherfucker is a welcome distraction from your current train of thought. You throw down your binders full of work shit and traipse up the steps of your hive. 

It’s nothing like your old hive, nestled in the middle of a bunch of lawn rings. It’s attached to the side of a massive hive stem, at the bottom of which sits your office. You’re not the biggest fan of city life, after spending the majority of your adolescent years with only a handful of other people around, but it’s significantly less irksome than the commute you would otherwise face. 

Being an elected leader sucks dick in a larger political system. Especially when they, you know, expect you to have any fucking clue how to lead an entire goddamn planet. 

Oh, bulge fuck; Gamzee’s got himself trapped under a pile of horns again. At least he forgot to barricade the goddamn door this time. You close the door as calmly as possible, wade through the fucking mound of shit on the ground until you find his horns poking out, sink down to his level and push these shitty instruments out of the way till you’re face to face with the clown. 

You guess you shouldn’t call him a clown anymore. He stopped wearing the makeup ages ago, when he realized how much he’d completely fucked all of you over. Unfortunately, coming to terms with your evil religion and actually having a grasp on your sanity are two different things. 

“WHAT’S GOING ON IN YOUR THINKPAN, GAMZEE?” You wish you’d learned how to talk to him like this sweeps ago. Probably would have saved you all a hell of a lot of murderous juggalo trouble. Not that you don’t get pissed at the dude still- you yell at him more than you yell at most people, which is still a fucking lot. Never when he’s like this, though. Yelling at him when he’s like this stains his eyes with that red fury you hope to never fucking see again. 

“tHeIR WiCkEd WhIsPeRs CrAb BrOtHeR. CaN’T gEt ThEm OuT oF mY hEaD” He grabs for your hand, and you let him take it. 

“I SHOULDN’T HAVE GONE OUT FOR SO LONG. LET’S GET YOU OUT OF THESE FUCKING HORNS, SET YOU UP WITH ONE OF YOUR ACTIVITIES.” You’ve got your hands under his arms, ushering him up to standing. You guide him in the direction of the kitchen, intending to distract him with cooking. 

“yOu ShOuLd JuSt SeNd Me BaCk To ThE hOsPiTaL, dOn’T bE aLL uP aNd dEaLiNg wItH mY sHiT aLL tHe TiMe.” He means it when he says it, but fuck that. He was in the hospital for a year and a half benefitting from your institution of a mental health care system, courtesy of Rose Lalonde’s extensive literature. You watched him go from completely homicidal to whatever the fuck this is. He’s made more personal progress than any of you. He deserves to be at home, even if that means you’re the one taking care of him. 

“THAT’S THE WORST PLAN I’VE HEARD ALL DAY, NUMB NUTS. SHUT UP AND LET’S MAKE DINNER.” You check his hands quickly- the new robot ones Equius set up for him when he was released from the psychiatric facility- just making sure he didn’t damage them during his fit. 

“I StArTeD mAkInG a PiE. nOt ThE sOpOr KiNd. ShOuLd Be AlMoSt ReAdY fOr DeLiCiOuS cOnSumPtIoN, All uP iNtO oUr MoUtHs MoThErFuCkEr.” He gives you a doofy smile, turns the oven light on. It’s becoming progressively easier to calm him down, get the voices out of his head. Most of your friends jokingly call him your moirail, and it pisses you the fuck off. This kid isn’t ready for any kind of relationship, pale or otherwise, not that it’s stopped him with people other than you. You feel much more like his guardian. He needed one, after that absentee fucking lusus. 

Besides, all your quadrants are filled. By someone who’s probably dead, but that’s beside the point. You’re getting goddamn tired of these jokes that not so subtly hint for you to just move the fuck on. Probably why you almost exclusively hang out with Gamzee and Kanaya, nowadays. 

“SEEING VRISKA TODAY WASN’T SO BAD. SHE ONLY MADE ME WANT TO RIP OUT ABOUT HALF OF MY INTESTINES.” Mostly she just wanted to talk to you about this space-capable wreck she found. You sent her off with Sollux. He’s the tech guy around here. Granted, you fucking can all fly, but whatever. 

“wE’rE hAvInG a ReUnIoN iN a FeW wEeKs, tHaT’s WhAt TeReZi aLL uP aNd ToLd Me.” Of fucking course she did. Get Gamzee all excited so you can’t say disappoint him. 

“I FUCKING GUESS SO. THAT’S JUST WHAT WE NEED, ALL OF THOSE CRAZY MOTHER FUCKERS IN THE SAME ROOM AT THE SAME TIME. SHIT ALWAYS GOES WELL WHEN THAT HAPPENS.” You’re watching Gamzee take the pie out of the oven- kid remembers to use oven mitts this time, without any reminders. 

“i’M nOt So PeSsImIsTiC KaRkAt. ThInK iT mIgHt dO uS aLL sOmE gOoD tO bE tOgEtHeR aGaIn.” He sits down at the two-troll table across from you, handing you a plate. Whatever he put in here actually smells pretty damn good. 

“WE BOTH KNOW THEY’RE ALL JUST GOING TO HOUND ME ABOUT MY FUCKING POWERS. EVERYONE ELSE IS OFF USING THEIR SHIT TO BETTER THE WORLD, AND HERE I AM JUST FUCKING SITTING HERE. I DON’T WANT TO DEAL WITH THEIR CRAP. I’M BUSY.” Shit, his pie is good. 

“I uNdERsTaNd NoT uSiNg YoUr PoWeR fOr ThE rIgHt ReAsOn BroThEr, bUt I’m NoT sUrE tHaT’s wHaT yOu’rE mOthErFuckInG DoInG thIs fOr.” Shit, right, he’s not using his power either. Way to put your nub in your mouth, Karkat. 

“YOU KNOW WHY I CAN’T GAMZEE” 

“I FoUnD yOur sOpOriFiCs mOthErFucKer. ShIt rOts YoUr tHinKpAn.” 

Shit. You never should have had that in a house with Gamzee. You’re a selfish irresponsible piece of shit. 

“I’LL GET RID OF IT, GAMZEE, FUCK, I’M SUCH A GRUB SUCKER, I FUCKED UP HARD, AGAIN, WHAT A FUCKING SURPRISE.” 

“gOt rId oF tHaT sLiMe FoR yOu. CouLdn’T sIt All sObeR kNoWiNg iT wAs In HeRe.” Oh shit. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. You haven’t slept without the slime since you got here. Shit, fuck, shit. 

“GAMZEE I CAN’T- HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EXPECT ME TO SLEEP? HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO KEEP THE VISIONS OUT? YOU CAN’T JUST THROW OUT MY SHIT, YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN LOOKING THROUGH MY ROOM, I CAN’T FUCKING DO THIS GAMZEE. I CAN’T FUCKING FACE THIS, FUCK YOU.” Okay, you’re flipping your shit. 

“iM aLL uP anD wOrRiEd aBoUt yOu” 

“I KNOW YOU DON’T GIVE A SHIT, I KNOW YOU WANT HIM DEAD, BUT I CAN’T SEE HIM LIKE THAT GAMZEE, I CAN’T FUCKING SEE HIM DEAD REGARDLESS OF HOW FUCKING HAPPY IT WOULD MAKE THE REST OF YOU” 

“i DoN’t wAnT hIm DeAd KaRkAt. I wAnT yOU aLL fInDinG hIm.” 

He looks at you like you hit him, which you basically did with your words. Fuck. You can’t lash out at him for the things he did on the meteor, especially not for all the Dave stuff. It’s way too sensitive of a topic. 

“YOU THINK I SHOULD BE TRYING TO USE MY POWERS, TOO? FUCK.”  
“I AsKeD tAvRoS tO hAnG oUt TonIgHt. ThOuGhT hE cOuLd LoOk AfTeR mE, mAyBe aFtEr YoU tOo iF tHe ViSiOnS tUrN iNtO sOmEtHinG aLL gRuEsOmE” 

“TAVROS? YEAH, FINE. WHATEVER.” 

You’re almost positive he actually asked Tavros over because he still has a giant crush on the little dweeb, but whatever. You could use a break, and Tavros is a hell of a lot more qualified to deal with Gamzee than you are, even if you insist on being the one to take care of him on a day-to-day basis. 

“i UHH AM ACTUALLY HERE ALREADY, hI KARKAT, uHH HI GAMZEE.” Stupid big horned kid comes over so often to check up on you two that he doesn’t bother knocking anymore. 

“hEy My BrOtHeR, mY mAiN mOtHeR fUckEr” Gamzee, finished with his food, stands and hugs the still-much-shorter Tavros. 

“GET A ROOM, I’VE SEEN ENOUGH OF MY FRIENDS MAKING OUT TODAY WITH VRISKA AND TEREZI VISITING.” You roll your eyes, cleaning up the plates left on the table. 

“uHH OH, i UHH DIDN’T KNOW THEY WERE IN TOWN. mAYBE, uHH, iF YOU’RE FEELING UP TO IT, gAMZEE, wE COULD GO OUT AND MEET THEM? gIVE KARKAT SOME ALONE TIME?” He shuffles away from the purple-blooded troll a bit awkwardly.

“OH JESUS CHRIST TAVROS, I LIVE WITH GAMZEE, HE TOLD ME YOU TOOK HIM ON AN ACTUAL DATE, JUST GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.” 

Gamzee slinks and arm around him, starts apologizing for “all up and blowing their cover” as they leave the hive. You barely get any alone time anymore. This is kind of a huge fucking relief. 

Until, that is, you find yourself at your desk surrounded by the sweeps worth of research you’ve been doing on the humans, and where the fuck they could possibly be. Which is anywhere. They could be fucking anywhere. 

You have to use your powers. You know you do. And you know they’ll work. You used them once before, the first night you got here. It was an accident, really. You fell asleep, started dreaming about Dave. Dave with a sword still through his gut, Dave watching Jade and John and Rose crowd around him, Dave fucking bleeding, Dave saying over and fucking over “I’m sorry Karkat, I’m sorry, I’m sorry”, until you realized you weren’t dreaming anymore, you were awake, you were really watching this, your fucking godtier knight of blood powers had you seeing visions of your family- your Dave- where he needed you the most, and you were completely fucking helpless to get to him.  
So you stopped, and you never tried to use them again. Physically forced the visions out, started using the sopor when they’d slip their way into your brain. 

You don’t want to know if he’s dead. 

But you have to know if he’s alive. 

It’s been awhile since you’ve taken his stuff out of your sylladex. Okay, that’s a fucking lie; you sleep in his shirt every goddamn night. But it’s been awhile since you’ve taken anything new of his out of your sylladex. If you’re going to be looking for him, you might as well get in the mood. You browse through your shit, trying not to be too nostalgic. You slip out a red smuppet and a mix tape he made you, pop that CD right into your husktop, try not to cry when you hear his music. It helps that he’s not speaking in this one, it’s just some mixes he made. Tolerable. You put his shirt on for good measure, sniff in the smell of the puppet. It’s still got that musky, coffee scent. Dave scent. Shit. You feel something clawing at the corners of your mind, and restrain the urge to push it away like you usually do. You let it in. Let it the entire fuck in. 

You’re not in your respite block anymore. Your mind isn’t, anyway. The first thing you see is sun. Way more sun than Alternia gets. This must be Earth, or the version of Earth that you all created after the Alpha session. The details are hazy as hell, just a mix of light and color and smell. Maybe it’s the smuppet you’ve got pressed against your nose, but shit, it smells like Dave. His sweat, his skin, that hilariously masculine soap he insists on using. 

You blink a few times, trying to figure out where the fuck you are. You recognize some of this shit. The turntables, the plush rump, that bed spread. Shit, that’s the same goddamn laptop. He hasn’t upgraded? This is Dave’s room. You are looking directly into Dave fucking Strider’s bedroom. 

You’re kind of frantic now, looking for a time, a date, a DAVE. His calendar. Perfect. Yeah, okay, he’s crossed out whatever human year was originally there and scribbled, “year fucking two yo” over it. It appears to be one of their spring months. Okay, wait, this is definitely after sgrub, after Skaia. 

That’s when you hear him open and shut his door. Your eyes are still adjusting, he’s still fuzzy as hell, but god you’d know that body anywhere. He’s got his stupid record shirt on still, sporting matching record boxers on his legs. Shit. He looks- tall. Thin. Good. He looks good, and you’re losing it, and you swear he looks at you. He looks at you and you see him shake his head, hear him mumble something under his breath and toss himself back into bed. 

And then, suddenly, you’re back in your respite block, Tavros in front of you grasping your face. 

“kARKAT? uMM, hEY, kARKAT? pLEASE SNAP OUT OF IT.” 

“TAVROS. TAVROS, FUCK, I SAW HIM. HE’S ALIVE, HE’S FUCKING ALIVE.” 

You’re definitely crying, and you definitely don’t give a shit. You hug your tiny friend, walk over to a terrified-looking Gamzee and hug him, too. 

“uHH, yOU WENT AHEAD AND USED YOUR POWER, dIDN’T YOU? tHAT’S ACTUALLY AMAZING, kARKAT. aND, yOU MEAN DAVE? dAVE IS ALIVE? aRE YOU SURE?” He’s looking at you like you might break. 

“OF COURSE I’M FUCKING SURE NOOK WIT. CALL KANAYA. SOMEONE FUCKING CALL KANAYA, I HAVE TO TALK TO KANAYA.” 

“i toLd yOu, cG, sAiD yOu CouLd uSe ThE wIckEd pOwErs.” Gamzee smiles at you like a proud fucking father. Your blood is boiling. 

Kanaya lives in the same stem, it only takes her a few minutes to get down. You’re still yammering on to somewhat overwhelmed Gamzee and Tavros when she runs in, chainsaw drawn. Apparently no one bothered mentioning that it wasn’t an emergency when they messaged her “come to Karkat’s asap”. Whoops. She sees your expression, though, puts the chainsaw down, hugs you. 

“You Used It, Didn’t You? You Saw Him?” You don’t have to say yes. She knows you better than any of the trolls, after all the time you spent together over the past three sweeps. 

Gamzee and Tavros slip out, giving you some time alone with the only other person on this goddamn planet who really lost something when the humans disappeared. 

“I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHERE THEY ARE, KANAYA. BUT IF I KEEP LOOKING, KEEP USING THE POWER- I CAN FIGURE IT OUT. AND YOU’VE GOT YOUR SPACE POWERS. THERE HAS TO BE FUCKING SOMETHING WE CAN FIGURE OUT.” 

“We Might Need Help From The Others. Sollux To Help Locate Their Exact Position In The Universe. Even Equius’ Manipulation Of The Void Might Aid Me If We Need To Move An Entire Universe.” 

“WE CAN’T ASK TOO MUCH OF THEM, KANAYA. I’M THE ONE WHO TOOK SO FUCKING LONG TO FIGURE THIS OUT. I SCREWED THE POOCH, FUCKED MYSELF ONCE AGAIN. COULD’VE HAD ALL THESE YEARS WITH THEM IF I’D JUST… AND WE HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA HOW LONG IT’LL EVEN TAKE TO FIND THEM. WHAT IF IT’S ANOTHER TWO SWEEPS? WILL THEY EVEN GIVE A SHIT ABOUT US ANYMORE?” 

You’re worrying, shaking. She rests a hand on your shoulder- her go-to fucking move- and speaks to you gently. 

“I Never Talk To Anyone About Our Days On The Meteor Anymore. Vriska And Terezi Avoid The Topic. I’m Under The Impression They Believe That It Causes Me Too Much Emotional Turmoil To Discuss. And The Others, Well, They Died There. I Suppose I Can’t Blame Them For Looking Upon The Few Months They Spent There Less Than Favorably.” She smiles, sadly. 

“OUR GAMES NIGHTS WERE ALWAYS A COMPLETE DISASTER. WHY THE FUCK DID WE THINK IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO PLAY LUCK RELATED GAMES WITH VRISKA? MOST OF THEM WERE DICE GAMES, TOO. NO WONDER WE WERE SO FUCKING TERRIBLE AT SGRUB.” You say it like you’re pissed, but you’re laughing a little. 

“My Personal Favorite Memory Is Still Watching Rose And Dave Attempting To Launder Their Belongings After Our Illness. Rose Had Nightmares About My Blood For Weeks. She’d Wake Up And Think She Was Drowning. It Was Honestly Pretty Adorable.” Her smile becomes a bit less sad. 

“DAVE WAS WEIRDLY TURNED ON BY THAT WHOLE THING, DEPRAVED FREAK.” Led to some good sex, though. 

“I Think We All Remember That, Karkat.” She waggles her eyebrows out you, and you mumble under your breath about nosy fucking women. 

It’s nearly morning by the time the two of you realize you’ve been reminiscing all night. It’s the first time either of you have spoken of your sweep and a half meteor trip without breaking down into a fit of tears. You know it’s not going to be easy to figure out where the humans are, or to find a way to actually reach them, but, shit, at least you know they’re out there, somewhere, maybe looking for you, too.


	2. Find Your Boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So short again. Major self-harm trigger warning.

You’re becoming kind of an addict. “Kind of” is possibly a bit too forgiving. You are one hundred percent a blood aspect addict. It’s just, fuck, how the shit else are you supposed to get your Dave fix? 

It started the morning after you first used your power. You woke up still feeling the afterglow of your success, bathed in a warmth you haven’t felt in sweeps. Dave is alive. Dave, your Dave, the Dave you thought had been killed with a sword chasing after the one god damn person you begged him not to chase, was alive. It hit you like a train, the feeling that you’d been missing out, skipping every glimpse you could have been catching of him for the past few sweeps. Dave talking to his friends, Dave working out, Dave reuniting with his bro, Dave eating dinner, Dave groggy in the morning, Dave without his glasses in the shower. You needed all that, now. 

You dove headfirst into your blood powers, ignoring the meetings you should have been preparing for. The sun hit you first, again. Is it always fucking sunny there? God damn earth. But then it’s him, curled up in a ball surrounded by a mound of pillows, nose whistling softly each time he exhales. Of course he’s asleep, he’s always asleep. It’s not hard to forget it’s just a vision like this. You spent hundreds of mornings with him like this, watching him sleep, falling more and more in love with each expansion and deflation of his chest. 

Before you, the ass munch only slept with one pillow. It’s almost heartbreaking, seeing him here surrounded by fluffy things now, knowing you’re the one who introduced him to the idea of a comfortable fucking bed. Heartbreakingly gratifying. Also a little pathetic on his end considering you didn’t even know what a bed was until he made one for you. You’re boyfriend is kind of a tool. 

You have more time to study him this time around, see how he’s grown up. How do earth years work again? He must be, what, nineteen? Something like that. God, he’s grown up. You can tell he’s taller, which is fucking ridiculous. The bean pole kid already towered over you. His hair is different. Less shaggy skater kid, more shaved on the sides. Still shaggy on top, though. Hipster prick. 

He moves slightly, untangling himself from his sheets, mouth lolling open. This gives you visual access to his torso. It’s- shit, it’s really different. His mammary sacks are gone. Fucking hell, he did it. They’re gone, and shit, he looks good. Fuck, fuck you wish you’d been there to see how happy he was the first time he looked down and saw the body he wanted. This means no more helping him into binders, no more rib pain, no more arguing with him to take it off when you can tell it’s been hurting him, when you know he’s had it on too long. Yes, fuck yes, hell fucking yes. 

His alarm is going off. It’s still that same fucking ringtone, just these annoying ass iPhone ducks quacking and quacking until he rolls over, hits snooze. Seriously, Strider? Almost two sweeps and still the motherfucking ducks? He always used to tell you it was the most “hilarious and ironic way to wake up” but always failed to explain how, exactly, quack beasts were ironic. You’re pretty sure he just has a bird fetish. 

His eyes are open now, staring up at the ceiling. You know that look. It’s the look you have every grub sucking morning, that look of resigned defeat. That look is spurred by a sinking feeling in your chest, one you feel guilty for still having, one you should have let go of sweeps ago, one that sinks it’s claws into your heart and makes you think of all the mornings you spent waking up next to him, makes you think about how that might never happen again. Part of you wishes Dave didn’t have to feel that depression, that nagging sense of defeat, every fucking morning. The other part of you is thrilled that he’s miserable without you, relieved he isn’t moving on.

You’re terrible. You curse yourself, curse that train of thought, apologize to him in your thoughts, and then out loud. 

He looks at you. Or in the direction your vision is coming from, however the fuck this is working. 

“get your shit together dave, he’s not here, wake up, wake the fuck up, get out of bed.” Holy shit, his voice. Dave, Dave, Dave. 

“DAVE”

He looks at you again. 

“seriously strider, snap the fuck out of it. you blew it. he’s gone forever.” 

He shakes his head, puts on his shades, gets out of bed. 

You lose your concentration, snap back to your own respite block. It doesn’t smell like Dave anymore, or sound like Dave. He’s not here, you can’t touch him, and he’s resigned himself to thinking you’re gone forever. 

You feel the claws digging into your forearm before you realize you’re doing it, and once they’re in there you keep going, letting them drag across, drawing four lines of candy red blood. Shit. You’d been trying to stop this. It’d been a month, a fucking month, and now you’ve seen Dave’s face and had it torn away by your own bulge sucking brain and you can’t fathom how you’ve been living without him all these sweeps and the only thing you can think to do is gash yourself in the thigh, too, punish yourself for self-harming again, punish yourself for not looking for Dave sooner, punish yourself for being so fucking pathetic. And then it’s not enough, your nails are too raw. 

You need something surgical, something precise to make your incisions more beautiful. You keep a razor in your sylladex for times like this, take it out, trace lines all over your arms, let it dance through your mother fucking skin like an ice skater. You make sure not to disturb the deepest of your old scars, the ones by your wrists where you carved out “tG” and “DAVE”. 

Really, you’re pathetic. Really, you hate yourself. Really, you want to jump right back into your visions and watch Dave for the rest of the day. But you’ve got to shower off this blood before Gamzee, and probably Tavros, wake up. You’ve got to go down to your office and sit through a bunch of inane meetings with trolls who make you want to bash your skull in. You’ve got to go be leader. 

So that’s how it started, this pattern of essentially stalking Dave fucking Strider with your creepy godtier mind-visions, followed by manic-depressive self-harming episodes. Really, you’re surprised it took you so long to completely fall apart like this, to start shirking your duties, dodging your friends’ calls. All your friends have been waiting for you to fall apart since you got here. All your friends have fallen apart, put themselves back together. For the most part. Your fucking turn, you guess. 

Today you’re huddled in the ablution block at work, back pressed up against the locked door just in case one of your employees attempts to barge in on you while you’re off dreaming about earth. Seriously, how the fuck did you end up in charge of this fucking planet? This is completely out of fucking control. You were never ready to be a leader, not of twelve trolls, not of Alternia. You’re pathetic, and you’re cowering near a toilet, and, fuck, the edges of your vision are blurring to that tiny blue planet again, and you’ve lost your self-loathing train of thought because everything is red and white and Dave. 

He’s not in his room today, not covered in blankets, eyes exposed. He’s out in the world somewhere- somewhere with John, with Jade. Jade, who is standing too close to him, Jade who you can smell, Jade who smiles too much when Dave makes a joke. It isn’t sunny this time. It’s the first time you haven’t haphazardly stumbled into Dave’s life during the daytime. You know, immediately, that this is the opportunity you and Kanaya have been plotting out for nearly two months now, a chance for you to snoop on more than just Dave’s personal computer, a chance for you to locate them within a galaxy. Still won’t make it easy to figure out where they are exactly, even if they are in the same universe you are, but it at least throws the needle into the haystack. 

You know this, and still, you can’t tear your eyes off him. He’s smiling, lips curved upwards towards his impossible cheekbones, hand patting Jade on the head. He’s wearing street clothes. You’ve never seen him like this before, save all the time you spent stalking his timeline back in your trolling days. He looks damn good in a flannel, the thin shirt underneath clinging to his abdominal muscles. And, for fucks sake, you swear he knows you’re watching him, swear he’s trying to kill you, because those jeans are too fucking tight not to be taunting you on purpose. Fuck you, Strider, and fuck your choice ass. 

You pull your eyes off him when the three humans come to a hill, sit down to star gaze like the lame nook suckers they are. Jade sits down too close to Dave, and he doesn’t look at her, but she looks at him and it’s killing you. It’s killing you so you look at the stars so you don’t have to think his arm brushing up against hers. You’re getting better at the being in two places at once thing. You can look at the stars above them and still get enough of a sense of your actual physical surroundings to map them out for later use. Problem is, you don’t have paper. It’s dumb, and it’s irresponsible, and it’s going to be uncomfortable to explain to Kanaya later, but the only resolution you can come up with is carving them into your thighs. You’ve got your pants down, razor out. You can feel the pain sinking in to you, but all you can see is the hazy sky hovering above earth. Later, when you come out of your vision, you bet your legs will look just as beautiful dripping in starry blood. 

John stands, suddenly, stretches. You’ve just about filled your makeshift canvass, can’t hurt to focus on Dave again. Their words are too muffled for you to make out, so you drift aimlessly behind them as they laugh their way down winding streets. Jade leaves them first, the boys leaving her at her doorstep. It’s easier for you to listen when there’s less of them around, easier to focus on fewer people. 

“I’m glad we finally got you to come out tonight, Dave! I’ll see you tomorrow for Rose’s big brainstorming thing? It’s okay if you want to miss it, but, man, I miss hanging out with you!” John leans in, taps Dave on the shoulder. 

You can tell when Dave’s upset, and fuck, he’s freaking out. He grabs John by the shirt, pull him in, takes a deep breath. 

“dude I need you to come to my apartment.” He adjusts his glasses, stands upright, tries to keep his cool, but you can see it, see him falling apart, the slight twitch of the corner of his mouth, the way he’s rubbing his fingers together, the slight rapidity of his breath. 

“Oh, sure, let’s watch a movie or something!” John Egbert, ever fucking oblivious. 

You see a wave of slight irritation overcome Dave, and then amusement, before he’s stone cold stoic again walking fast, back towards what you assume is his home. He essentially flash steps John up to his floor once they’re in the building, leans in close to him, whispers something you can barely hear but sounds a lot like:

“…can’t see me… not like this… windy thing” 

John looks at him like he’s crazy, completely bonkers, out of his head insane. Dave takes off his glasses, catches you and John real the fuck off guard. 

“Do the goddamn windy thing. Now, John, now, fucking now.” 

John does the windy thing.

And you’re back in the bathroom staring at a floor covered in your damn candy blood. What the fuck just happened? Who the fuck doesn’t Dave want to see him? You swear to Skaia, no one is going to hurt that motherfucker now that you’ve found out he’s alive. If you get to Earth and find out he’s dead you are going to wring John’s neck yourself for not protecting him. 

Right. Getting to Earth. You look down at your thighs, crawl over to the sink to wash off some of the blood, get a better look at the design you’ve carved out. Yeah, fuck yeah, looks pretty much just like the sky you remember seeing. Tonight you’ll copy it onto some paper, show it to Kanaya, see if she can use her space powers to scope out similar star systems. Now, you should really fucking clean the blood off the floor, get back to your office, see how much time you’ve wasted. 

You don’t get a chance to show Kanaya your shitty star map until the goddamn stupid “reunion party” your shit fuck friends have planned. If you weren’t so intent on getting back to your room to watch Dave sleep some more, you might be excited to see some of them. Terezi’s been off for months training new legislacerators, and it’s almost impossible to pull Sollux out from his research if something like this isn’t happening. Even the assholes who annoy the intestines out of you, it’s nice to see. Most of them were dead for so long you feel like it’s a small fucking miracle every time you get to see their no-longer-white eyes. 

You agreed to host them all in your apartment, after a decent amount of nagging from Gamzee. They’re all just sitting around on your furniture, making awkward catch-up conversation. You gave Kanaya your notes before the rest of the crowd showed up, promised to talk about it after they left. You’re supposed to be mingling, now. Shit. 

You seat yourself in-between Sollux and Tavros, who seem like the least annoying options. Vriska and Terezi are barely paying attention to the rest of the group, too busy catching up with each other. You don’t really keep in touch with either of them, but Kanaya tells you they’re trying to make their matespritship work despite the extensive travel they’ve both been doing over the past few months. From the looks of it, they’re succeeding. 

“Hey, Karkat! I think we’ve got some stuff we want to talk to you about, if you’re feeling up fur it!” Nepeta calls to you from her seat on Equius’ lap. 

“OH, FOR FUCKS SAKE, WHAT IN BULGE LICKING FUCK DO YOU ASS WADS WANT FROM ME NOW? IS LEADING THE ENTIRE FUCKING PLANET NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU?” You snap back.

“Oh, thut it Karkat, we all know you’re mothtly jutht a figure head.” Sollux jabs your ribs with his elbow. 

“AS IF I HAVEN’T INSTITUTED A PLETHORA OF LAWS INSTRUMENTAL IN THE REFORM OF THIS PLANET.” You sulk, knowing he’s mostly right. Sure, you’ve managed to put forward a great deal of ideology into the system, but you’re pretty shit at actually comprehending the intricacies of the political structure of Alternia. You’re trying, though. Or you were before you got so wrapped up in finding Earth. 

“Some of us, well, all of us reel-lly, right guys?” Feferi begins, looking around to a crowd of nodding heads, “We just, this, it doesn’t exactly feel right here.” 

“Not that we 8ren’t having fun on this pl8net, it’s a hell of a pl8ce to explore” Vriska adds in.

“It’s an abomination. 100dacrous.” Equius adds, with no further explanation. 

“What Equius mews is, after everything we saw in the game, being back on a planet like this, just leading normal lives, it doesn’t feel right.” Nepeta corrects her moirail. 

“W3’RE SUPPOS3D TO B3 DO1NG SOM3T1NG MOR3 K4RKL3S. W3 H34R YOU’V3 GOT 4 N3W M1SS1ON. YOU GONNA L34D US, OR WH4T?” Terezi grins at you like it’s a challenge. 

“I May Have Let Them In On Our Little Plan, Karkat. I Thought It Was Important For Us To Actually Have A Chance At Success.” Kanaya apologizes. 

“ARE YOU, ARE YOU GUYS FUCKING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? WE BEAT THE GAME, WE END UP AS GODS ON SOME ALTERNIA REBOOT, BUT YOU THINK I’M RETARDED ENOUGH TO THINK YOU WANT OFF? STOP TRYING TO HELP ME, SHIT HEADS.” What the fuck are these assholes trying to pull right now?

“uHH, kARKAT, iTS JUST, i DON’T THINK YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE WHO, uHH, wANTS TO SEE THE HUMANS AGAIN” Tavros stammers from next to you. You look at him like he’s grown a second head. 

“I kn0w that y0u and Kanaya have l0st the m0st by this separati0n, but we’ve f0rmed b0nds with the humans, t00.” Aradia smiles. 

“wwe’re bored as shit on this planet, anywway.” Even Eridan is in on this? Are they serious?

“TURNS OUT TH3 4DV3NTUR3 IS B3TT3R TH4N TH3 R3W4RD. 4R3N’T YOU 3V3N 4 L1TTL3 CUR1OUS TO S33 1F W3 COULD B34T TH3 G4M3 FOR GOOD, 1F W3 FOUND TH3M?” Terezi’s got her arm slung around Vriska, and the pair look ready to fucking kill. 

You’ve never thought about actually ending Skaia, not since you failed last time. Really, you just want to see Dave again. You guess, shit, you guess it wouldn’t feel so bad to be a leader again. An actual leader. 

“IF YOU’RE ALL SO INTENT ON WASTING THE REST OF OUR LIVES ON A POINTLESS MISSION, QUIT RUNNING YOUR MOUTHS ABOUT IT AND LET’S GET FUCKING STARTED. KANAYA, TAKE OUT THOSE MAPS. COME ON, GRUB LICKERS, STAND THE FUCK UP, WE’VE GOT WORK TO DO.” 

You’d forgotten just how shrewd your team was, when they’re all working together. If you’re being honest, they’re better than you are. You don’t have the plans, or the brains, or the brawn. You slip out early, tell them you’re tired, tell them you’ll revise their ideas in the morning. Really, you just want to see what the fuck is up with Dave. 

You triple check that you’ve locked your door, burry yourself in blankets. Most of your friends have reverted back to recupercoons, but you could never stomach it. It was hard enough adjusting to sleeping without Dave. 

Vision time. Shit’s still a little blurry. Egbert’s windy thing must be just starting to dissipate. When you mentally wiggle your way into a full view of the scene, you see the dopey buck-toothed boy asleep in Dave’s bed, not even under the covers, still with his shoes on. He quite obviously passed out talking to his friend. Dave’s awake though. He’s taking off his glasses, rubbing his eyes. He’s been crying. His eyes get puffy as fuck when he cries.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO YOU DAVE. TELL ME, FUCKING TELL ME.” 

You know he can’t hear you, but fuck, your thing is screaming. If you were actually fucking good at it, actually good at anything, he’d be able to hear you. 

Instead, he just snaps back on his glasses, chuckles a little at John, and gets under the covers on the opposite side of the bed. You watch him fall asleep. If you ignore the kid in blue next to him, you can almost pretend you’re back on the meteor, laying beside him. He always passed out before you did. You had that whole insomnia thing going on all those years, even worse than you do now. His unconscious breathing used to be a constant for you. Having it back after so long is a godsend. A godsend that actually allows you sleep without the extra encouragement of sopor. 

The only reason you wake up is because Terezi’s found a way to lock pick your door and thought it would be a fan-fucking-tastic idea to hover in front of your face until you came into consciousness. If you didn’t get so used to shit like this back on the meteor, you might have been startled to see her big sharp teeth looming over you. As it was, you’re just annoyed. 

“I SWEAR TO GOD TEREZI, YOU BETTER NOT BE TAKING PICTURES OF ME.” You’d come up with a better insult if you weren’t so exhausted. 

“WH1L3 YOU W3R3 G3TT1NG YOUR B34TY R3ST, W3 W3R3 SOLV1NG 4LL YOUR PROBL3MS PR3TTY BOY. COM3 DOWNST41RS SO W3 C4N F1ND TH3S3 MONK3YS ALR34DY.” She’s smiling again, a little more genuinely than usual. 

“TEREZI. TEREZI, ARE YOU SERIOUS?” You’re kind of freaking out.

“DON’T G3T YOUR P4NT13S 1N 4 BUNCH. 1T M1GHT NOT WORK. BUT W3’R3 CLOS3 TO A F34SIBL3 1D34. JUST N33D YOUR CR33PY F1ND-MY-LOST-BOYFR13ND R4D4R.” She’s poking you with her cane. 

“LET’S FUCKING DO THIS.” 

You’re going to find him, and you’re going to drag him into your arms, even if it kills the both of you.


	3. Tear the Universe Apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is stupid short

You’ve never been to this part of the city before. Most sane people haven’t, not that you necessarily fall into the sane category anymore. It’s not the safest place, not even for a god. Maybe especially not for a god. But you’ve got business here. You’re annoyed already, all these bartenders and slimy gamblers acting like they don’t know exactly who you’re looking for. Everyone knows Slick, motherfucker has his face in the clouds with you, and you swear you’re going to cull the next carapace who tells you any different. 

Lucky for you, Slick likes to take care of business himself. Okay, “likes” might be a stretch. He’s the only person you’ve met that gets fed up with things faster than you. It’s part of why you bonded. 

You can tell you’ve found the right place when you see the trail of bodies. Things haven’t changed much, then. Creep is standing at the bar brandishing a knife at some unsuspecting customer, turns it around on you when he sees you walk in. 

“BEFORE YOU PULL YOUR FUCKING KNIFE ON ME, I’VE GOT SOMETHING I THINK YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN JACK.” 

Jack tells you his name is Slick now, he’s told you this before, don’t fuck it up again. 

“YEAH, SURE, WHATEVER THE FUCK FLOATS YOUR CARAPACE.”

He offers you a drink, then drinks it himself. Tells you you can’t be too careful about hospitality. Asks what brings you to this part of town. 

“WE DON’T WANT TO GIVE UP ON TRYING TO DESTROY SKAIA.” 

Go on, he says. Adds in a little something about wanting to carve out Skaia’s heart himself. 

“WE FOUND THE HUMAN’S PLANET. IT’S IN A DIFFERENT UNIVERSE, BUT WE’RE NEARLY POSITIVE WITH OUR COMBINED GODTIER POWERS THAT WE’VE GOT A WAY TO GET TO THEM.” 

What’s the plan after that, he asks. Or is he supposed to tag along with a bunch of kids and watch them get distracted by make outs again? 

“OH, LIKE YOU DIDN’T HOOK UP DURING THE GAME YOU HYPOCRITICAL SHIT STAIN” 

He forgot the clouds showed that bit of the game, talks about destroying them. 

“SO ARE YOU FUCKING COMING OR NOT? WE’RE LEAVING TOMORROW. OR BLOWING OURSELVES UP TOMORROW, IF THIS IS A COMPLETE AND UTTER FAILURE. ARE YOU IN OR OUT?”

He tells you he’s in, makes you shake on it, only tries to stab you one time as a goodbye gesture. 

You spend the entire walk back to your hive hoping the guy actually shows tomorrow. Not that you actually need him, or anything, but he’s been with you the entire time. He’s the only one of your exiles to have survived, and, fuck, he’s got just as big of a revenge complex against Skaia as any of you. It’d feel wrong leaving him behind here, incomplete. Or maybe that’s your damn blood aspect talking. 

No one’s home when you get back to your hive. Not Gamzee, not the six or seven freeloaders who have been crashing on your couch rather than renting a mother fucking hotel room, or walking up the additional flight of stairs to Kanaya’s hive. Normally you’d be relieved for the time alone. You’ve barely had any over the past month or so, with all your friends crashing here, constantly asking you to review their big plans. Tonight you’re excruciatingly anxious, could’ve used the distraction of a thousand foolish questions. 

Or, fuck, you guess you can just try to snoop on Dave more. You’ve been having less luck with it, since that incident with John. Every time the Heir uses his fucking powers, you get shut out. The little blonde chick, Void girl, seems to throw you off too, whenever she’s around. You kind of fucking miss when Dave was only hanging out with himself, all the time. That’s awful of you, isn’t? God you’re a selfish jackass. 

He’s alone tonight, thank fuck. Sitting at his laptop, making comics. He’s gotten better at them. Or worse. Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff is an elusive concept. And, shit, a dumb concept. This is what he’s spending his time doing? 

Okay, hold the grub-shitting phone. This entire fucking time you’ve been working your ass off trying to find this bone bulge, and what is he doing? Drawing shitty cartoons? Watching bad movies with Egbert? Pissing away his time with Jade fucking Harley? Has he even bothered trying to find you? 

For a split second, you think you might be a hypocrite. It took you over a sweep to start looking for him. But, no, no no, fuck that, that’s not even true. You had Sollux and Kanaya looking for them. The only reason you didn’t look yourself was because you thought he was dead. Dead because you saw him with a hole through his fucking abdomen, after chasing Jade on his own after you begged him not to. And in spite of all of that, here you fucking are, giving up god-hood on your own planet to chase this piece of shit. 

And this fucking asshole is just writing SBAHJ. Is he fucking kidding? Not one time, not one fucking time, have you seen him doing one god damn thing to come find you. 

You’re not in your vision anymore, you’re pacing your respite block, fuming, cursing Dave for not trying hard enough. You’re so furious you don’t hear the obnoxiously loud group of people enter your hive, barely pay them any attention when they barge into your respite block. 

“WH4T’S GOT YOU 4LL HOT 4ND BOTH3R3D TOD4Y, C4NDY CUM?” Terezi gets all up in your face, insists on using that nauseating nickname Vriska came up with sweeps ago. 

You’re on the verge of telling them “fuck the humans, they don’t care about us, mission aborted” when you see Kanaya’s face. Kanaya who misses Rose more than she misses her dead lusus, Kanaya who’s been your rock this entire time, Kanaya who deserves for someone to put her first, just once, just one fucking time. So you lie. 

“PAST KARKAT JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GREAT IDEA TO GO VISIT JACK FUCKING NOIR IN PERSON. GOT HIMSELF STABBED. NO BIG DEAL, TEREZI, JUST DOING MY NORMAL SHIT, FUCKING UP AS USUAL.” You brandish the small wound on your arm for extra effect. 

“That’s gr8, leader boy, inviting the homicidal maniac” Vriska winks at you. 

“SHUT IT SPIDER GIRL, YOU KNOW WE WOULDN’T BE ALIVE WITHOUT HIM.” For once, she concedes. 

“We Were All Talking, Karkat, And Thought It Would Be Nostalgic To Spend Our Final Evening On This Planet, Just The Four Of Us.” Kanaya smiles. 

“ON3 L4ST J4UNT FOR TH3 M3T3OR CR3W.” God, her grin. You have no clue how that turned Past Karkat on so much. 

“SERIOUSLY, MORE SENTIMENTAL BULLSHIT? BET YOU ALL PLAN ON HAVING US PLAY THOSE ASININE HUMAN GAMES, TOO, JUST REALLY GET OUR IDIOT ON, RIGHT?” You weren’t really serious about that, but roll your eyes as each of the girls un-captchalogs a different game. 

You’re halfway into a game of Monopoly- and pretty damn close to slitting Vriska’s throat- when Gamzee peeks his head in. 

“tHoUgHt i hEaRd yOu MoThErFuCkErS aLL uP tO sOmE fUn. MiNd iF i CoMe hAvE sOmE lAuGhS?” He’s got a dopey smile on his face, and all at once guilt strikes the rest of your group. 

Yeah, last time you were all hanging out like this, he was handless in a closet. 

You’re all too quick to ditch Monopoly, start a new game he can join, even Vriska, who would rather kill than give up a victory. You brush by the awkwardness as quickly as possible, and it’s nearly forgotten by the time you’re fifteen turns deep into a heated game of Taboo. You’re yelling random strings of words at Gamzee, red-faced and frustrated he can’t guess the mother fucking word “ghost”, while Terezi and Vriska are doubled over cracking up behind you. 

It feels good. You’ve spent the past few sweeps completely avoiding these trolls, as much as possible, stuffing your head full of work and your time full of mundane tasks to keep your mind off Dave, and the game, and all the shitty things you’ve seen. You forgot that there were other things Skaia granted you- other things besides Dave- that weren’t so shitty. Sure, Gamzee almost murdered you all on that meteor, and sure, some of the time you were ready to rip out all of their tonsils, but you really honestly did have some good fucking times with your friends on that rock. Times you probably never would have had if you’d been on your original version of Alternia, hiding from the Imperial Guards, begging anyone to quadrant up with you when the buckets came through. Sgrub fucking sucked, and it still sucks, but you guess you wouldn’t trade all the shit it brought you even if you could. 

They all want to sleep in your bed. Or, Terezi does, and convinces the rest of the little shits that a sleepover is the best fucking idea on the planet. They essentially ignore your protests, no matter how loud you get. Fucking typical. So here you fucking are, your last night on Alternia, squished on your own fucking bed in-between a blind space hog and a cuddly juggalo, doing your best not to compare it to your last night on the meteor. At least this time around, you feel much less desperate and pathetic and much more angry. Anger you can deal with. Anger can get you to Earth. 

When the sun rises, you’re still not entirely sure this whole “teleport ourselves to Earth with godtier powers fuck yeah” plan is going to work. But, shit, it’s the morning of, and it’s a little late to back out now. The details of how this is all going down are still a little fuzzy to you. Most of you haven’t had much ability to actually practice with your powers, your friends are just under the impression that the plan “feels” right and their powers “probably” can do this. 

How it’s supposed to go down is you latch on to a vision of Earth, ideally a vision of Dave since he’s your strongest blood link there. Sollux will get all up in your head with his mind shit, send that information on over to Kanaya, Equius, Vriska, and Aradia. Kanaya and Equius will pull all you losers through space and void, with Vriska keeping you on the right path and Aradia making sure you don’t end up fucking up and travelling a thousand years too late for this to even matter. 

You lock yourself in your respite block- shit, the room that very soon will no longer be your respite block- for a few minutes before all this goes down. Figure you should check up on Dave first, make sure everything’s golden. 

It’s not golden. It’s not fucking golden at all. Dave’s there in his room with dog girl, dog girl who’s sitting too close to him again, dog girl who leans in right next to his face, dog girl who tries to take off his sunglasses. He stops her, grabs her wrist. She kisses him. 

You don’t bother seeing what happens next, you snap right the fuck back to your respite block, curse him, swear so loud Gamzee’s knocking on your door, asking who’s hurting you, begging for you to let him in. 

Shit. Shit, shit, shit, no, god no, fuck fucking no.

He’s cheating on you. 

Dave fucking Strider is cheating on you. 

It’s not even cheating, you know it’s not cheating, it’s been sweeps since he’s even seen you, but he swore, that motherfucker swore he’d tear the universe apart to find you. He swore, and you never settled on a way out of this if he couldn’t and he didn’t even try, and you’re going to slit his throat, drink his blood, kiss him back to life. 

“kArKaT iM gEtTinG bAd ViBeS cRaB bRotHeR, lEt mE iN mAn” Gamzee, shit, fuck, Gamzee. 

You open the door, see him all worried, don’t even know what to say. 

“JUST GIVE ME FIVE FUCKING MINUTES TO MYSELF BEFORE THIS SUICIDE MISSION” 

“aRe YoU aLrIgHt?” Jesus shit Gamzee, do I look alright to you?

“YES SHIT BULGE I’M FINE JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE” 

 

He does, but with that look in his eye that says “you’re a fucking douchebag liar”. 

Oh my god. What the fuck is even happening? No, actually, seriously, what the fuck is happening? Let’s sit the fuck down, Vantas, piece this shit together nice and slow. 

Okay, so let’s just start from the fucking beginning, right? 

You went ahead and got yourself a crush on an alien, the biggest douche in the universe, found yourself in all kinds of compromising positions with him until one day, the fuck out of nowhere, he kisses you. Motherfucker falls in love with you and shit, knows you’re going to get separated, takes your dear sweet precious virginity and promises to come find you, no matter the fuck what. 

Yeah, right, all that shit was nice, until the little fucking liar ditched you in the new session to save that fucking girl, and apparently- fucking apparently- just decided to forget about you altogether on her behalf. 

Yup, that’s right, Karkat, you just got swindled by romance again. Once again you held on for too the fuck long while he moved right the fuck on. Fuck. FUCK. 

But now you’ve got your whole shitty team looking for him. Every god damn one of them is in your living quarters, just waiting for you to shuffle the shit downstairs to go find your boyfriend. Fuck that. You’re not doing that. You can’t see him. You won’t see him. 

Kanaya. Kanaya, fuck, Kanaya. 

You have got to get her to Rose. 

You make a split-second executive decision, march on down to your friends. 

“WE’RE DOING THIS, NOW, OR WE AREN’T DOING IT AT ALL.” 

None of them say anything. They just look at you with all this disgusting hope in their eyes, hope you wish you could squash out and stomp on. Even fucking Jack is looking more encouraging than normal. 

“Are you sure you’re ready for thiith, karkat? Iit miight hurt, a biit, and ii know you’re a liittle sensiitiive.” Sollux asks, grinning, resting his hands on your temple. 

“JUST DO IT ALREADY YOU FUCK UP” 

You toss your perception back to Earth. Not to Dave, definitely not to Dave, fuck looking at Dave right now, fuck letting the rest of your teammates see the bullshit you’re heading back to. You keep shit a little more general, figure they’ll be able to sort it out. 

It hurts. It actually honestly does hurt, first inside your brain, and then everywhere, and then everything is cold and dark around the edges of your mind, and just when it’s too much, just when you think the crushing sensation on your skull might kill you, it stops. You open your eyes and you’re there- you’re actually there, your teammates managed not to be completely dysfunctional and accomplished the task you laid out for them. Fuck. 

You’ve seen this place before. It’s that hill right outside the city where John and Dave and Jade were. Sollux has taken his hands off you, is busy high-fiving Eridan. Everyone’s pretty distracted, actually. They can find the way to the humans themselves, you’re sure. Fuck this. Actually fuck this, they might all want to do this, but you don’t. 

You don’t think any of them notice you flash-step away, at least not until you’re too far gone for them to follow. Ironic that you’re using you boyfriend’s- your EX boyfriend’s- own moves to get away from him. Ironic that its ironic, too. 

Honestly, you don’t know where you’re going, but you swear on your fucking grave that you will never see Dave fucking Strider again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry


End file.
